Help Wanted: Joe Soko's job listings

Wanted: One caring, well trained seat belt adjuster to provide full service doorbell activism to anyone in need of a competitive wage golf cart situation. If this describes you, please bring five pounds of legal sized rubber goods to the missile defense contractor of your choice. Look for the sign that says "We are now hiring part time human shields to go into war zones and diffuse potentially sticky situations." Qualified applicants must be able to operate on 100% brain power even after listening to Rush Limbaugh for several hours.

We are also looking for someone to man -or should we say person- our corporate recycling program. Responsibilities include overnight delivery of free thinking brain matter, reliable elevator certification and an individualized traveling minstrel show. Qualified applicants should take a steam roller approach to our economic policy.

In human resources we are looking for a post-menopausal designer of soy based road rage. Indecision is not an option but for only $14,387.23 you can be the proud owner of a completely remodeled non smoking collection of single celled amoebas which come with a heightened dimensionality of arachnid genitalia.

If you have the ability to type 500 words a minute in this post apocalyptic reality brought to you by Budweiser, then no wonder they handcuffed everyone in the human resources department and presented the self-proclaimed faculty and staff with eleven fossilized school lunches. After two years on the job, little Ralphy was presented with a non-denominational 401-K retirement plan which is only good if you can name at least three Brazilian crustaceans and arthropods that did not vote for Sarah Palin in 2012. These arthropods are fully insured and are always in the mood for phone sex. If you have an advanced degree in anything that might make me go ballistic, then I urge you to go to Tony's Bar & Grill on the west side which is actually a haven for dancing reptiles.

When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth

You didn't have to worry about finding a parking spot late at night
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
You didn't have to worry about getting to work on time
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
You didn't have to pay outrageous rent just to live a closet
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
You didn't have to wait in line forever at the supermarket
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
You didn't have to go to traffic court for something totally bogus
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
You didn't have to vote for the lesser of two evils
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
You didn't have to wonder what your neighbors thought about you
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
When dinosaurs ruled the earth
yeah! yeah! yeah!